How to Start Again

“Car!”

As a kid, that’s what we’d yell when we played a game of kickball on the streets of Long Island when a car approached us. We’d have to stop the game and wait for the car to pass.

“Game on!”

Earlier this year I felt burnt out and I took a break from auditioning. For the past few months I’ve had a day job as a receptionist at a non-profit organization. The people are mostly positive. The way they deal with conflict is with passive aggressive behavior so no one is really an outright jerk.

I enjoyed the regularity of it all. I show up at a certain time, work hard and go home.

Feeling exhausted without the energy to do the important work: exercise, writing, drawing etc. BUT! The payoff was that I looked responsible! I had a full-time job (even if I was making way less than I was as an actress).

I still perform doing standup but I definitely miss working on television. I love everything about working with a crew and being on set. When I see Haddad’s famous trucks on the streets of New York City I get wistful and wish I was working on a television show.

Could I? Should I? Would I?

How could I start back up again?

My brain yells: “I hate theatre and REAL actors do theatre!” (The reality is: I don’t have to do theatre).

Yesterday, one of my co-workers began yelling at me. People in the office try to brush it off and justify her behavior: “That’s just how she talks.” Nope. Sorry, we all come from quirky weird families and we all need to adjust ourselves. I don’t behave how I was raised at the office, if I did, I’d be in jail.

She has yelled at me before and I just sucked it up but today as her voice raised into a shrill it hit me exactly the wrong way and I let her know it.

I had had it.

At the end of a draining day, I looked at my phone and decided to email my old agent. The one I’d been with since I was in college. I asked her if she might want to start sending me out again, I wasn’t working with anyone. She said sure.

Looks like I’m back in. Refreshed and eager with a new appreciation for what I had taken a break from.

I have gratitude for my rude co-worker for reminding me what I should be doing.

“Game on!”

Making Room In Your Day for Drawing

As I’m leaving my apartment to take my daughter to school and I pick up my book bag packed with my work materials (laptop, notebooks, pens, etc.), I see my black 8.5″ x 11″ sketchpad and wince knowing that the extra weight will hurt my back.

I am not a lower back pain person but because I carry too much, I’ve caused my back to smart a little bit.

I know my notebook is the match that will break this camel’s back. And yet, and yet…it’s got to come along.

My days are filled with obligations, rushing around and a lot of long stints of staring at a computer screen. If I want to keep up the drawing habit and drawing my cartoons, then the sketchbook must come. Yes, I could get a smaller size but honestly I don’t enjoy drawing in a smaller sketch pad. I’m used to the 8.5″x 11″ size.

I will make the time to draw and make sure to inconvenience myself a bit to make drawing more convenient.

xo,
Natalie

Getting Ready for Inktober

Are you ready for Inktober?

Usually when Inktober pops up I find myself in the middle of October when my cartoonist friends are posting breathtaking work and I just don’t feel like even participating because I was so late to the game.

A few days ago I noticed a good friend of mine, Alison (from Dumfries, Scotland) who was spending time in London and doing some warm up sketches for Inktober.

Jake Parker is the artist who started the Inktober movement (2009!) and if you wish to learn more about him, click here.

Here is a list of the prompts he created, ready to go for 2019:

2019promptlist.png
Courtesy of Jake Parker: https://inktober.com/rules

Below are some of my favorite drawing tools.

Photo Credit: Natalie Kim

As I’m looking at this photo I’ve posted above, EVERY SINGLE item in this photo is Japanese. I’m a huge fan of brush pens and find that the brush pens from Kinokuniya are the best.

(FYI: The pencil and mechanical pencil both have 3H lead. That type of lead makes it easier to erase things.)

I’m not planning in getting new materials specifically for this year’s October, but I will participate fully

🙂

Let me know if you’ll be participating!

xo,

Natalie

How to Get Back to Drawing When You’ve Fallen Off the Boat For a While.

Why do we sometimes avoid the very thing that feeds our soul?

Whenever I draw and share a cartoon I feel great. My anxiety goes away and if it brightens someone’s day, that makes me even happier.

I know that drawing is an act that makes me spiritually, physically and mentally happier so what is the thing that holds me back?

I do have responsibilities: kids, work. Sometimes those responsibilities make their positions know as soon I open my eyes up until my head hits the pillow.

However, I also know that the mind can play tricks on me when I’m interested in pursuing something that means a lot to me. Suddenly time shrinks and I CANNOT make space to create cartoons.

I recently heard a podcast called The Eventual Millionaire by Jamie Masters. She interviews many entrepreneurs who are successful in varying degrees. One interview really stuck out for me and I felt it would be valuable to share with you here.

Robin Sharma found that the people who got the best results in their life did the following:

They were in the 5AM Club. While the rest of the world was sleeping and hitting snooze, 5AM Clubbers did the following:

1. Woke up at 5:00a
2. Did 20 minutes of exercise that made them sweat. This changes one’s psychological state as well as their actual brain health.
3. Did 20 minutes of journaling and meditation.
4. Did 20 minutes of writing and reading.

I tried it out this week and I found out that it was really helpful.

I could easily draw a quick sketch with a pen in the morning without too much fuss. Instead of letting my day overwhelm me, I was able to easily capture a few extra pockets of time where some very good creative thinking would happen.

If you’re not scared off by the prospect of waking up at 5:00am, check out Robin’s 66 Day Challenge here!

25 Thing Random Things About Me

Shooting a comedy skit highlighting PRIDE DAY! Big up to writer & actress, Christine Fang.
  1. I was raised in both Suffolk County, Long Island & Millersville, Maryland. As a child I was very tough and while not exactly a bully I was (and still not) a pushover. One of my high school classmates described me as a little tough dog who attacks big dogs. This was a derogatory jerk statement but I also weirdly felt some pride in it.
  2. My grandmother on my paternal side was born and raised in Montgomery, Alabama. We were very close.
  3. I love the Mets even though they make me feel a lot of pain. GARGH #LGM
  4. Ever since I was in 5th grade I wanted to be an actor & cartoonist. This was in a slambook where one of the questions asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up.
  5. When I became pregnant with my son, I had strong feelings of depression during pregnancy and postpartum. I was lucky because I had excellent family support and therapy. When I see people with mental illness on the streets I know for a fact that we aren’t really different.
  6. I have 40 hour of mediation Training from the New York Peace Institute. I also assisted in the training of NYPD community officers to learn mediation skills.
  7. I really LOVE being lazy in a bookstore. I could spend hours in a bookstore.
  8. My mom married three husbands so my I was not enthusiastic about marriage. I was a flower girl in one wedding and her maid of honor in another.
  9. I got my sense of warped humor from my mom, and the blue collar neighborhood I grew up in.
  10. Favorite movies: The Godfather I & II, Goodfellas, On the Waterfront, The Big Sick, Dumb & Dumber, Moulin Rouge, Moonlight, Dr. Strange, Chung-King Express.
  11. I love writing ‘thank you’ letters. I’m a pretty grateful person. I also love picking out fun stationary and/or cards.
  12. I love myself & I’m totally lovable! This took me a long assed time to know this with every fiber of my being.
  13. I unabashedly love comedy. My last manager told me to stop doing comedy. So for a year I STOPPED and I couldn’t have been more miserable. We recently parted ways and I feel G R E A T. Lesson learned: Never give your power over to someone else.
  14. I ALWAYS question authority. According to author, Gretchen Rubin, I am a rebel. THAT SAID, I also am suspicious of Gretchin’s quiz and believe putting people in neat boxes is convenient but dangerous (ha ha, total REBEL quality).
  15. My family is THE most important thing to me. I was not raised in a very ideal family (who was?) and it took me a while to feel confident in my loving, normal family.
  16. I can understand a TINY bit of Korean, Mandarin, Cantonese, Spanish, Greek & French. But very little. I also think the Russian language is beautiful (which I had to learn for a recurring role on Madame Secretary).
  17. I love Scotland! This country holds a very special place in my heart mostly due to my grandparents and the very loving friends I have there, especially Dumfries! (I do not speak or understand Gaelic…yet.)
  18. I attended multiple Buddhist meditation retreats (in NYC and Wales) where I learned about the following Koans:
    “What is this?”
    “Who are you?”
    “What was your mother’s face before you were born?”
  19. FAVORITE PASTIME: I really love making people in an elevator laugh. It’s a challenge because it’s a very short snippet of time and I can usually make it happen.
  20. I speak my mind at ALL times.
  21. I’m OBSESSED with pens, pencils & paper. Kinokunoya & JetPens are my favorite places to get pens.
  22. I really really really wish I could surf & skateboard like a boss.
  23. I believe in abundance, inclusivity and love.
  24. I LOVE Beyonce, Ed Sheeran, hip-hop, R&B (mostly 90’s)
  25. NAPS are MY LIFEBLOOD. Some might call them siestas. Whatever you call them, I relish any opportunity to take a snoozy.

xo,


Natalie

Be the Same in Private as You Are in Public

blog_graphic.gif

Today my girl has a playdate at our apartment and we went to pick up some snacks:

  • Ice pops (yes, in the winter)
  • Tings (2 bags)
  • 2 Organic Apples
  • Popcorn with a touch of butter. (Paul Newman)

As I went to the register, I spotted the usual clerk, a young woman wearing a navy blue hijab.

An older, white gentleman cuts in front of me and normally I’d speak up—but I let it go because he’s older and has just two items to buy.

With an accent, the clerk tells him says: “$11.58”.

“What did you say?” the gentleman asks imperiously. The young clerk remains silent. He turns to a young black woman with wavy long hair who is working at another counter: “What did she say? I can’t understand her!” He seems to enjoy the spectacle he’s creating.

I said: “She said ‘$11.58’ (line cutter!) Just ask her what she said.”

He ignored me and continued to speak loudly to the other cashier: “I can’t understand her! Do you work here?”

I looked at his face and suddenly a memory sprouted up. I thought to myself: “That face, that name, I know who that is…” 

I asked him, “Wait are you on TV?”

He stopped and gave me a strange look, almost a smirk. Half happy to be recognized and half in terror for being caught for behaving like a bully.

He asked: “Why are you? Are you?”

I said: “Nope.”

I knew exactly who he was. I remembered seeing him on TV reviewing Charlyne Yi’s gorgeous movie, Paper Hearts. He was a critic and the way he panned the movie made me think he was a bitter, old dude who didn’t understand the movie, nor tried to understand it and therefore he dismissed it.

Of course, he is a critic.

Back to present time in the grocery store.

This turned to the young woman wearing a hijab.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t understand you.” He weakly apologized, took his bag and left.

I felt a little bad for calling him out and wondered if he was just having a bad day.

The young woman began ringing my snacks up and looked wearily in his direction:

“He does this all the time.”

blog_graphic_030719.gif

Let’s Fight and Let’s Be Happy.

IMG_9898-ANIMATION

I am sitting in my bed which is about to break. The bed frame is buckling and I need to adult hard and buy a new one. As I rolled around my bed last night, I worried the whole thing would come crashing down.

I was too tired to get up and take action, but I did crack a joke with my husband that we will wake up V shaped.

Right now the reality is what you make of it. Right here right now. Not they way you WANT it to be, but what it is now.

Me, sitting in my pajamas, sitting on top of my broken bed and …I am thankful for the broken bed. I’m thankful for it’s service and it’s pretty clear we need to move on. It’s not a pain in the ass, it’s a privilege to 1. have a bed, 2. have the resources to buy a new bed frame.

I’m not writing this to sound like a know it all. I’m writing this to myself so when the world seems shite, I can read this and remind myself that we are responsible for our reality.